If a wine shouts in the forest does anyone hear it? In the din of the global wine glut only the loudest, boldest, most shameless and outrageous can be heard.

2006′s Most Outrageous Wine will be decided by a poll at the end of this article. If possible, please take a moment out of your busy holiday schedule to vote.

This year’s nominees are:

Diesel Farm Rosso di Rosso 1999

This is the wine I had mentioned earlier this year in “Carignan, Hipster Wine” Rosso di Rosso is not made from Carignan grapes but instead from an imaginative blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot and is the brainchild of Diesel founder and denim magnate Renzo Rosso.

We finally laid eyes on a bottle of it this month at a restaurant in London but unfortunately weren’t able to taste it. Actually, it was pretty easy to pass on it at £180 ($360) per bottle especially when the sommelier laughingly described it as “rubbish”. It’s not hard to see how they haven’t sold a single bottle.

But it showed such promise!

From the Fall 2006 London Press Release:
Trendsetting wine with a glass of Diesel
Diesel wine is the latest venture from Renzo Rosso, founder of the Diesel fashion brand. Branching out from the high street to the vineyard, Diesel is a limited and luxurious wine collection, available at a selection of exclusive restaurants. The wine is sourced directly from the Diesel farm, a 100 hectare estate located on the Marostica hills in Vicenza, Italy.

Traditional wine with a twist
Diesel wine is produced using traditional, antique craftsman techniques, making for an authentic, rich flavour. However, Diesel offers a contemporary twist to traditional wine and the farm is not only a production centre, but also a location for fashion shoots and parties.

From the label:
… my origins, the land that I love, the rural traditions of my father, the old custom of homemade wine, with his charm and secret touches, together now with the more modern techniques, they have given life to a unique product… (signed “Enjoy”)

The “modern techniques” include hiring renowned consultant Roberto Cipresso who also oversees the production of porn star Savanna Samson’s new wine Sogno Uno. Now there’s a twist on tradition. New Yorkers who would like to see this monumental wine for themselves can do so at Lower East Side Italian Wine Specialist De Vino.

Royal DeMaria 2000 Chardonnay Icewine

Former hairdresser Joseph DeMaria now makes the world’s most expensive wine. His team has devised an ingenous method to out-price the former most expensive wine in the world, Domaine Romannee Conti’s Romannee Conti: simply charge more, much more. As you can see by its bottle – which rivals a Indy Car in sticker density – this wine has won numerous awards, and at $30,000 per 375ml it may just prove a bargain. According to Decanter.com, one bottle has supposedly been sold and winemaker DeMaria adds, ‘As usual I increase the price point as the sales increase. Although the 2000 Chardonnay Icewine is at $30,000 now, I can guarantee that by the last bottle, it will have a price tag of $500,000.’

From the Winery:
In 1998 Joseph DeMaria, having no previous winemaking experience, made his first icewine from a 5000L surplus of Vidal icewine juice. Midway through the process Joseph made a major error in what he understood to be the process of making icewine. Without letting this error set him back Joseph continued working with the icewine and through his blind correction of the error fell upon a wine making technique. The 1998 Vidal Icewine had all the varietal characteristics of a fine wine, the traditional sweetness of an icewine yet did not have the rich, cloying texture within the finish. This first icewine went on to win 5 international awards the ‘error’ has become the wine making technique that Hairdresser turned Winemaker Joseph DeMaria has used successfully ever since.

Sober shoppers may question the price especially since one of the world’s most highly regarded ice wines, the 2001 Hermann Donnhoff Riesling Eiswein Oberhauser Brucke, was rated 100 by Robert Parker and will set you back only about $250.00

Gold

This Wine was featured in a very funny post – What Were They Thinking? – in Fredric Koeppel’s Bigger Than Your Head Blog

In the winery’s own words:

Gold, which was first released in 2005, represents Jason Woodbridge’s quixotic quest to bring the freshest white wine possible to the marketplace. In a creative wine industry first, Woodbridge bottles and releases Gold twice a year: The wine released in July is made from Southern Hemisphere (Australia) grapes, while the wine released in November comes from Northern Hemisphere (California) grapes. Made entirely of un-oaked, non-malolactic Chardonnay (plus a few other aromatic white varietals for aromatics) the wine has been exposed to subfreezing temperatures to preserve mouth feel and aromatics. The stylistically identical wines receive a dosage of pure 24 karat gold before going into a breathtaking modern clear French glass bottle that has been fired with a pure 24 karat gold label.

A French glass bottle? Sidney Frank would be proud except that at $24.99 it’s the least expensive wine in our lineup.

Mike Ditka Kick Ass Red

For those of you who don’t know him, Ditka is the hyper-macho, Brylcreem wearing, not-to-be-messed-with former coach of the Chicago Bears football team. Yes, the alpha male’s alpha male now makes wine.

From the Winery:

“An extravagant, rare and collectible reserve bottling

A Kick Ass wine is outrageously good. I’m personally involved in the selection of all the wines that carry my name, but I spend the most time on this one. I’m looking for a big, brawny red wine, with lots of ripe fruit flavors and a firm grip in the mouth. It needs to be the best possible expression of its growing region, and, of course, it needs to taste great with a good steak. This Mendocino red wine combines the varietals that grow best in that rugged wine-growing area. It’s had extra aging in the best oak barrels, and in the bottle. Since it’s the best, we can’t make much each year. But what we do make kicks ass.”

There you have it. What other wine that claims to be “the best” also offers “a firm grip in the mouth?” Hear’s to Ditka and Da Bears! $49.99 from Mendocino Wine Company.

KISS THIS

Celebrity Cellars produces collectible wines for celebrities such as Madonna, the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd and KISS. They’re the Franklin Mint of wine.

From their site:

“KISS THIS” commemorates over 30 years of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll band. The artwork is from KISS’s 4th studio album, Destroyer, that was released in 1976.

All Celebrity Cellars products come with a written Certificate of Authenticity.”

The Certificate of Authenticity is very helpful in distinguishing fake “KISS THIS” from the real thing but has anyone actually opened a Celebrity Cellars bottle?

“KISS THIS”, ask for it by name!

Vote for The World’s Most Outrageous Wine 2006

The competition is intense this year. Please help us choose a winner. Thank you and Happy Holidays!

This article appeared in the December 2006 edition of Connections Magazine (Ireland)

Pernod Ricard recently announced the creation of the world’s most expensive champagne. At $1,300 per bottle, it makes Cristal, Krug and Dom Perignon seem decidedly down market. Big Deal. Unless you’re a Russian Oligarch, rap star or reading this on your private jet, you’re probably not their target market. It’s also important to note that the wine isn’t actually available yet and that the company’s just signaling their intentions. Yes, this is a wine made up in a corporate board room. So if you’re the type that believes wine is made in the vineyard and winery and not in a marketing meeting then you’re also not their target market.

The sad reality is that most Champagne is made in a similar way: what actually goes into the bottle is much less important than brand positioning. It’s no accident that the two largest champagne houses, Moet & Chandon and Veuve Clicquot are both owned by the world’s largest luxury goods conglomerate LVMH. Champagne is simply synonymous with luxury. It’s also synonymous with celebration. Just open a bottle and you have an instant party! By the time it’s poured and glasses are clinking, “value for money” is hopefully the last thing on everyone’s mind. I hate to sound like ‘ol Ebenezer Scrooge but this giddiness – combined with the marketing muscle of the big Champagne houses – is a recipe for getting ripped off. In the world of wine, the $30 to $60 or even more for a non-vintage brand-name Champagne can buy much more. For the same money, you get get a stunning Bordeaux, top shelf Sancerre or major league Barbaresco. You can also get a fantastic Champagne.

Wait, how’s that? You just said that they’re all over priced! Two words: Grower Champagne. Also known as Artisanal or Estate Bottled Champagne, Grower Champagne is perhaps the last great secret in wine. It’s an exciting and growing (never mind the pun) movement that is simply inevitable. What other region sells industrially produced bulk wine at prices more or equal to estate bottled wines? This would be the equivalent of paying more for a Mouton-Cadet than a classed Bordeaux such as Giscours or Lagrange. This complete absurdity is manufactured through consumer complacency and of course, marketing. You can fool most of the people some of the time. . .

Now that we’re all riled-up, let’s go through the steps in making Champagne to further illustrate the difference between Grower and Industrial Champagne:

Grapes: Champagne is one of the northernmost wine regions in the world so grapes are difficult to grow well there. In such a cool climate and tend to be higher in acidity and lower in sugar than the same grape varieties grown in warmer regions. In other French regions, more Cremant, or sparkling wine will be made in years when the weather has been cool and the grapes haven’t developed well enough to make a decent still wine. The difficult climate is also a reason why Champagne allows non-vintage wines, where good, medium and indifferent years are blended together to produce house styles individual to both grower and big-name producers. Vintage Champagne is only made in good years.

Just like any wine, Champagne is only as good as fruit that go into it, so the best Champagne, whether made by a brand-name or grower producer is made from the best grapes which correspondingly grow in the best sites. Somewhat like Burgundy but using villages instead of specific plots of land, the 294 villages of Champagne are classified into 17 Grand Crus at the top and 40 Premier Crus just below. The best wines such as Cristal are made from the best sites, however you won’t see Grand Cru on the bottle as they’re not made exclusively from Grand Cru grapes. Generally Grand Cru and Premier Cru are only seen on grower bottles since their fruit is much more likely to come from one village. Industrial Champagne on the other hand is by necessity made up from a wide range of grapes and it’s simply much more difficult to maintain a high average quality when you’re shipping out millions of bottles. Just like with Mouton-Cadet or Yellowtail.

First Fermentation: All Champagne starts out as a still wine, with the bubbles coming from a second fermentation. At this point, the best wines will be made with great care, while the industrial ones will be made into a neutral and highly acidic base wine, more dependent on later steps in the process than the raw materials to provide any sense of character.

Assemblage: One of the most arcane and hyped parts of the process, this is where the still wines from the first fermentation are blended together. It requires a great deal of artistry to put together a great wine given stocks from many different vineyards and vintages – as many as 70 – to produce the consistent house style for non vintage wines. However it’s much more difficult when the each of the wines have a great deal of character, than when they’ve purposefully made into a neutral base wine.

Second Fermentation and Maturation. This is where the bubbles come from. As the wine is bottled, a small amount of liqueur de tirage is added to the blended wine. This is a mixture of wine, sugar and yeast. The yeast eats the sugar, giving off carbon dioxide which dissolves into the wine forming the all-important tiny bubbles. Dead yeast cells or lees from this secondary fermentation then react with the wine in a process called autolysis. Autolysis gives Champagne (and other sparkling wines made in the same method) its desirable and distinctive biscuit-like flavor but can also become non desirable rubbery flavors if something goes wrong. The more time spent on the lees, the more distinctive the wine can become. By law, non-vintage Champagne must mature a minimum of fifteen months while for vintage Champage a minimum of three years is required.

Remuage and Dégorgement: Remuage is the process where the deposit in the wine from the secondary fermentation is collected in the neck of the bottle. This is either done in mechanical Gyropallates or by hand in small pupitres which are racks that hold 60 bottles each. While the pupitres conjure up images boutique production, both methods achieve the same result. Dégorgement is simply the removal of this deposit, which is carried out quickly so as not to lose pressure. One reason Champagne marketers often give for their high prices is the labor intensive process that goes into the wine. Funny you don’t hear that from Cava producers who use exactly the same method.

Dosage. The small amount of wine lost in dégorgement is replaced by a wine and sugar solution called the dosage. This is the final step in giving Champagne its distinctive character and degree of sweetness. Depending on the amount of sugar used, the wine will vary on the dryness/sweetness scale from Extra Brut (no added sugar), Brut (very dry), Extra sec (dry), Sec (off dry) Demi-sec (sweet) to Doux (very sweet or luscious). Sadly, the dosage is also where pretty much all of the house style of an Industrial Champagne is determined. The marketing people would like you to think that the artistry of the assemblage determines this style, but since the wines blended together are fairly devoid of character, it really depends on the dosage.

Obviously, like most things it’s not all black and white and just because it’s a Grower Champagne doesn’t mean that it’s good. Conversely, just because it’s an Industrial Champage doesn’t mean it’s bad. Wildly overpriced perhaps, but not necessarily bad. Luckily, from a consumer perspective the small amount of Grower Champagnes currently imported into the US, Ireland and the UK are of high quality, so if you’re looking for something very special for your holiday libations they’re definitely worth seeking out. Right now they’re bargains, but inevitably as more and more people find out about them, their prices will most likely rise dramatically.

Grower Champagnes:

2000 Pierre Gimonnet & Fils 1er Cru ‘Fleuron’
Officially labeled as a Premier (1er) cru, 70% of the fruit for this high quality Blanc de Blancs comes from Grand Cru vineyards. It has wonderfully fresh notes of pineapple and melon coupled with a nice yeasty/earthy quality on the palate and a long and elegant cassis-like finish.

NV Gaston Chiquet, Brut Tradition
Made from 45% Meunier, 35% Chardonnay and 20% Pinot Noir is an easily likeable fruity silky wine. With hints of carmeled apples on the palate along with lovely purity and great structure, this wine is both fun and elegant.

NV Barnaut Blanc de Noirs Brut Grand Cru
100% Pinot Noir from the Grand Cru vineyards of Bouzy, I really like this one. A complex nose of roasted coffee, toffee, black currants and light floral notes. The black currant fruit on the palate is amazingly sustained through the very long finish.

For comparison sake, one of the Big Boys:

NV Moët and Chandon Brut Imperial
This one is the most expensive of the bunch and strikingly harsh in comparison. And I’m not just trying to force a point here, folks. The acids level seems uncomfortably high with a fairly one-dimensional cassis flavor. Just OK.

Resources:

Some Grower Champagnes to try from JancisRobinson.com:

L. Aubry
Barnaut
Chartogne-Taillet
Drappier
Egly-Ouriet
Fleury
Gaston Chiquet
Gatinois
Henri Billiot
Jean Lallement et Fils
A. Margaine
Jean Milan
Marc Hébrart
Pierre Gimonnet
Pierre Moncuit
Pierre Peters .
René Geoffroy
Serge Mathieu
Varnier-Fannière
Vilmart & Cie

Wine Library’s episode on Grower Champagne. The inimitable Gary Vay-ner-chuk makes a compelling case.

Terry Theise’s Champagne Catalogue is simply an excellent and free book on the subject.

In this article we grapple with two eternal dilemmas: what holiday gift to get people who really like wine and what to call people who really like wine. For added holiday cheer there is a fun poll, a quiz and free prizes at the end.

It’s always a little tricky to buy gifts for people who really like wine. For me, it’s more tricky figuring what to call people who really like wine. Wine Lover sounds good but doesn’t always work in conversation. When was the last time you called someone that you’re not intimate with a lover? Robin Garr has probably trademarked the term already anyway. Wine Enthusiast is probably trademarked as well. And I wouldn’t really call anyone a Wine Spectator, Observer, Fan or Aficionado. At least not to their face. Oenophile sounds creepy and possibly illegal. Ski Bum is OK for skiers but Wine Bum? Not so good . . .

So what do we call ourselves? There are almost as many potential names as potential holiday wine gifts: buff, cat, devotee, fan, fanatic, fiend, geek, hound, junkie, nut, etc, etc, etc. Please vote at the end of this article so that we can solve this urgent problem once and for all. (beam me down to the poll, Scotty!)

OK, back to the gifts.

Wine

It’s the most obvious gift to give someone who really likes wine. Doh! However, it’s not always so simple. It can’t just be any old wine. It should be something really special either to the giver or receiver (especially to the giver if you will happen to be sharing it!) If you’re undecided, the one great slam dunk holiday wine to give is Madeira. It’s unusual, festive, good-value, will keep indefinitely and was even used to toast the Declaration of Independence. At the lower end of the price range, a 5 year old Sercial, Verdehlo, Bual or Malmsey is a great gift, while those looking to splash out a little more can get a vintage Madeira such as 1969 D’Oliveira Sercial for $89.95 or 1827 Quinta do Serrado Bual for $895.00 (yes eighteen twenty-seven!) at the Rare Wine Company. They also have excellent information on Madeira as well as an excellent Historic Series of Madeiras – New York Malmsey, Boston Bual and Charleston Sercial – that’s sold in better wine shops. Another great resource to find out more about Madeira is the MadeiraWineGuide.com.

Wine Glasses

Good wine glasses are always welcome since they are always breaking. Riedel is the big name and excellent but I have to let you know that Schott Zwiesel is both better and cheaper. They’re also equally confusing to pronounce. Isn’t that Frank Zappa’s son’s name? We have a set of huge delicate balloon Schott Zwiesels that hold more than a full bottle each (if you can’t find a decanter handy) that have been knocked over several times without breaking. Amazing! The secret is titanium in the crystal. I especially like the Pure line that you see more and more in top restaurants. They don’t seem to be distributed nearly as much as Riedel but they are definitely worth seeking out or ordering online.

Corkscrews

Chateau and Forge de Laguiole corkscrews are great wine gifts but are also very expensive. If you want to be really smart and cool, the Pulltaps X Tens is simply the best designed corkscrew now available and costs about a third of what a top Laguiole will set you back. The standard Pulltaps are even cheaper and just as functional as the X Tens only not as sleek.

The Science of Wine: From Vine to Glass by Jamie Goode

The last science book I purchased was A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. I’m inclined to like such books but just couldn’t get through it; doing nothing to dispel rumors that it’s the best selling and least read book in the history of publishing. The Science of Wine is much different in that it’s actually an enjoyable read. It addresses nearly every big issue in wine today from biodynamics to global warming to microoxygenation and will take you from zero to hero in one read. Goode, who is also the man (and scientist) behind the excellent wineanorak.com, has a knack for distilling complicated subjects into clear and simple terms. No wonder it was the 2006 Glenfiddich Drink Book of the Year.

The Cork Jester’s Guide to Wine by Jennifer Rosen

“I’ve got a joke for you.” When I hear those words I quietly start to panic. The joke is invariably going to be the least funny thing you’ve heard since the last joke. Where do I put my hands? What’s the most convincing way to fake polite laughter? I think I’m twitching. Please stop! So when somebody calls themselves the Cork Jester me thinks that they may be protesting just a little too much. Sadly for my little Grinch heart and luckily for you dear reader, it’s not true. Rosen is funny, entertaining and a very good writer. This book is also truly unusual in that rank beginners and experts alike will find it interesting. Even Robert Parker liked it. It’s not fair! I’m jealous.

What to Drink with What you Eat by Andrew Dornenburg and Karen Page

There has been some grumblings in the blogsphere lately about this book, which revolves mainly about the chutzpah to call it a “definitive guide.” It may not be definitive but is both enormously fascinating and very helpful. It certainly helped me with my pairings of British foods last week and is still considered a must buy on De Long Wine Moment.

The Oxford Companion to Wine, 3rd Edition edited by Janis Robinson

Ma, you got me a reference book? Thud! Did the proverbial giant turd just fall into the holiday punchbowl? No on three accounts: 1. This is no ordinary reference book but simply the most comprehensive book on wine now available. 2. It’s just been updated with many new entries and better maps (if you have the old one, you need the new one). 3. Wine people don’t serve punch.

De Long’s Wine Grape Varietal Table

OK, I couldn’t resist a little plug for me own goods. Unfortunately we didn’t get our Wine Map of the World out in time for the holidays. If you would like to get one for a gift at 15% off + free delivery, just enter the word “holiday” (all lower case) on the online order form until Dec. 18. The chart can now be ordered without the reference book and the same discount applies. Click here if you would like to order.

I wish the very best for everyone this holiday season and leave you with a traditional De Long holiday poem:

Silent night, Super night
Everything is excellent, cha-cha, out of sight
Gingerbread men without a care
Tannenbaums bursting in mid-air

Quiz: Who and what wine is in the picture at the top of this article? How much would a bottle by a person of the same name hold? First correct answer gets a free Wine Grape Varietal Table delivered safely to their home or office. First partially correct answer gets a free Wine Grape T-shirt. Good luck.

Also, please help us solve one of the wine world’s most urgent dilemmas by voting in the poll below.